Strong walls

What’s happened to my blog? What’s happened to the frequent writing? 

What’s happened to me in this stage of life?

Friends are getting married, cousins are doing the same.

And here I am, being the wingman that I have always been. Always.

It hurts me to look at my parents as they grow old, and me reaching to my middle adulthood. I can’t just sit here and do nothing; I realized the changes that have been flowing around like nobody else’s business. My mother is sick. Just a few nights ago, my uncle told me that I have to get to know everything that is happening to my family. I felt a flood of blood gushing through my veins; I just realized that I have never asked my parents how they were doing. I realized my mistake. That will change, I promise.

My grandfather is ill. He was diagnosed with cancer, and that worries everyone. My grandfather on my father’s side had left us even before I started walking, and my grandmother passed on when I was in high school. On my mother’s side, my grandmother took her last breath when I was with her around 2 AM at Hospital Ranau, when we were quarantined due to the spread of H1N1, and when finally she was confirmed that the result of her H1N1 test was found negative.

I have gained a lot in the last few years, losing isn’t too different either. I broke up with my lover last year’s December. And that hurts a lot. But, I managed to get hold of it although it pains me. A relationship that greatly affected, taught and grew me up. For the first time ever, I couldn’t believe how much it shaped up my life and when we broke up, I was lost. I have been failing my semesters. That was the story of my summer acquaintance. However, being single isn’t that bad either.

I guess it’s just life growing apart by day, slowing down the process of bonding, escorted by too many bad and good influences. Too many things have happened to me in the last few years since I stopped posting new writings on Blogspot.

Not enough?

I have been trying to be adult enough to walk away from all the nonsense of idiots around me. But what’s there without anyone? That is the thing that colors away our life; it’s the bad and the good things that come rolling toward us that matter. I keep praying that I can be strong enough to face life not every single day; but moments, every minute.

While sucking up the water that keeps running down my eye drains, I also met a lot of new people, and get to learn new things, bad and good ones. Without knowing, they silently educate me on how to be a person who is alert with his surrounding. However, things are not  as easy as we think they are. Sometimes, it gets worse. Internet has started making things a little bit more complicated whether you realize it or not. It broke the law of reality, and made people live in a fantasy that is far different than what really happens in real life.

There are people who like me, and there are people who don’t.

I can’t satisfy anyone. There are people who said “be anonymous, and people will wonder”. I dreamt of anonymity, but that’s not what Psychology is all about. Collaboration and communication are the keys for my degree. Liking it or not, I can’t avoid them.

My cousin and my best friend have finally tied a knot.

I couldn’t come to Aryanti’s wedding ceremony because I was in KL. And, I didn’t want to go to Nadia’s either. I was really afraid that people would start wondering. I can’t stop thinking how am I going to answer everyone’s question if they ask me when am I going to get that experience myself. Although resulting to another stage of depression, looking at the two individuals getting married made me so happy that these two ladies, where a while back said to me that they won’t get married, have finally tied a knot.

I am complaining, yes. I am complaining because I have the right to do so. I believe, despite of the misunderstandings I have been very good to everyone though it cost a lot of sacrifices. Not only because how they behave toward me, but because I keep asking myself, “can that individual finally change?”  My father has urged us, the children, not to mess up with people’s feelings. Therefore, I was there when people were good to me, and I appreciate those moments. But, I have been there for them when they’re feeling down as well, and I didn’t complain, at least anymore, I didn’t resist and I will keep being like that.

Am I suffering from a quarter-life crisis?

This is supposed to be a time for an adventure and time of an opportunity, before marriage and works have taken their toll. Yet, here I am sitting on an old mattress in my uncle’s house writing this post. I am trapped between the need to get a job, a stable wage, attending my families, studies, and my crushed social life. I have been reassuring myself that I will be able to do everything by my own, but I know I need help. I admit that I am in need of real help, I learned helplessness. Nobody can do it for me; I have to do everything by myself. I clustered all strengths in the past few years just to get to where I am now. Or maybe it’s probably just a transition.

And I kept complaining. Just to let people know how hard life can be, and how bad things can get if they don’t start early. I was born in Ranau, grew up in the same district, still studying, I just turned 24, and please don’t be like me.

Who we are.

Crust of the life.
The wind ain't singing for me no more.
Though there's a voice, it isn't as lovely as it used to be.
But such is life, right?
You were the banana in Banana Split.

You are up once, second's passed and you're down.
Here you were someone cool, but finally when a change demands to pull yourself out,
You are no longer there.
You are suddenly becoming a distant memory.

Eventually,
the only people who accept you for who you are left,
are the ones you are really close with.
The people who accept you for who you are.
Since the day you took your first breath.
Uh, such is life.

I remember the fun I've experienced.
Now it no longer is called fun.
I have commitments.
The more matured you are, the more complicated life you will realize it will be.

Before it comes to receiving the intended punishment,
thoughts will surely blow you away.
Maybe because of the guilt.
You tried to apologize but your mouth is locked.
Locked by mistakes, one your ego could not unlock.

And eventually,
there's the crust.
Slowly, we fade.
And we eventually became,
the asphalt of life.

No Title.

Let the background song play by itself.

For all the weaknesses that I own, I am sorry. For all the wrongdoings that I've done, I am sorry. For all the things that I've no chance to show you, I am sorry. For all the things that showed my stupidness, I am sorry. For all the ugly things I've given you, I am sorry. For all the things that I haven't got the chance to hand to you, I am sorry. For all the bad things about me that you hate so much, I am sorry.

I promise you I'll finish my study, and so that I'll treat you as good as I can be. As faithful as I am your other half. I promise I'll stand on the ground, be as how I used to be, just as silly as the Indra you used to meet in Sabah last year. As silly as a guy you used to know, but a better life partner.

I am sorry for everything that has happened since day one of our sweet rapture. And believe me, that I have never cheated on you. I've never played lovey dovey emotion with any other person other than you since we have declared our relationship almost half a year ago.

On this very night, I would like to send God a pray in my sleep to be granted.

"Oh God, I wish you would understand how strong is my feelings toward this person. I am willing to give up anything just to have a happy life with thee. Give us strength, give us strong feelings, give us the best you can give to a couple that are sincere to each other. Oh God, for the love of You, if You ever have to take away my life, give me first, a chance to prove that I really love thou. For thee is already a part of me, a part of my soul, my heart and mind. Amin"

On this lovely lover's day, I would like to wish you A Happy Valentine's Day. I am sorry for not being able to give you anything at the moment :'( I am sorry. May you will have the greatest time in your life, my love. I Love You.

P/S: I know I am a guy full of misery and weaknesses. But, please wait for me. I'll marry you.

Company while working

It wasn't long after she was featured on a reality TV show, American Idol that I decided to dig out some stuff about her. Composer/Singer Kara Dioguardi after being announced to be one of the judges on the award winning show urged me to just do some research concerning her backgrounds in music. She is apparently a big name in the industry. I, eventually, managed to get a grip of her workpieces on Youtube. Some of her songs are now being sung by Katharine Mcphee(American Idol Season 5 First Runner Up). Below are some of her songs (videos) that I've downloaded and put it on my playlist and became my company while on my way to college everyday. On a train, bus, at work when I was still putting up with financial predicaments LOL or even while working on my assignments for several months. Aside from Strangers & Angels (which apparently became my favorite because of the meaning of the words and melody), No Boundaries (American Idol Season 8 Winning Song), and Taking Chances (Celine Dion's single) . The songs I've put on are Had It All as well as Terrified (originally sung with Jason Reeves) and I hate to admit this but, I feel so gay right at the moment talking about this all. But who cares.

Had It All - Katharine McPhee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOPdS8jGaeI

Terrified - Katherine McPhee feat. Zachary Levi (Go Chuck Go!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un60RISzE-A

James. Once when he was little.

James Morrison busking in Birmingham City Centre singing Once when I was little

Oh... I guess i'm posting it a little bit sooner.. LOL.

I wanna go busking in Europe. Not to earn money, but experiences.

This adds a color in a musician's life. Makes you be even more passionate and appreciate music.

Sound~

Bruno Mars - Grenade [Live HD]

This is what you call 'music'.

You ain't need to be a copycat. You can learn, but ain't never a copycat in music.

The ad-libs he added on did just right for the song. Fantastic, just fantastic.

I'll put on James' rendition of my favorite of his, as soon as I get to stretch my arms (or maybe sooner).

I'm just too weak now. Having a flu. Got-flu-because-not-wearing-a-shirt effect.

Muahahha~~

P/S: Oh Internet, I hate you.

10 Days Off.

I woke up as early as the chickens start squealing. I was awakened, but nothing like yesterdays; nothing is beside me. Empty. And suddenly I realized how I missed my baby badly.

Before, you’ll ask me to go back drenching to dream. But now, when I open up my eyes, I am just a guy who tells silent tales to the walls. I craved for somebody to help me as I am just at the peak of starting to cry a river, the threshold of pressing numbers in the phone to call you. The greatest feeling of longing, which nothing similar but the one when you left me crying like a little child at the airport last year.

The inner self in me works at its best pouring love onto you, but my mind struggles to keep that feeling away, as I know how much you need break, and I understand how much you need a breath. You’ve been telling me how much you miss me every time I’m away. But I told you how strong I was when it comes to me. But easier said than done, the moment you say the word “bye”, I surrendered. My ego was jailed could not be undone. I missed you badly.

You were very happy the last time I saw you, and I thought I was stronger. Now I am restless, I am on my knee, telling my eyes to look at the screen of the phones, asking me to hold the phones all the time.

This guy misses you, he misses you badly. I love you.

I'm Sorry, I've Drowned Into You...

...how i secretly melt when i wrap myself around you, when i comfortably rest my head on your chest and feel your arms around me, the way you embrace me… how you run your fingers through my hair, putting it behind my ears, whispering words “i love you”… how i would rise myself a little to reach your lips, i close my eyes, to feel the warmth of your breath, gently you kiss me, the kiss that takes away all insecurities, making me forget everything around me as if nothing else matter…pardon me, my love, for this paranoia. one more thing is my insecurity which triggers jealousy. i know you’re a real great catch and i’m afraid that the people you are more often exposed to would notice that and since these are the people who share the same toxicity and stress as you do in school, you would have more common things to share and that might lead to some sort of relationship development on your part and a destruction on mine. okay, did i just go way too much in over thinking. oh well, but you tell me i’ll be safe with you and i believe everything you say. and so i will try to throw away all my doubts and fears in the hopes that never again will i feel the dark and bitter strands of the past. i lift my head up in delight because i trust this love we have and hold.

I’m sorry if I love you too much, and I am doing it in a way that you don't like. But I don’t know how to love you any other way..

Credits go to Nadia

Sexual Intercourse: The Reality Awakening.

WARNING!

This is just an opinion from somebody who is in a modern relationship that includes an insight of a personal matter. A REAL PERSONAL MATTER.

It's 8.00am.

I was shooting my eyeballs outside the window, playing with my brother's computer. I sighed. What was I thinking? I couldn't start my day without thinking of what has been happening. Lately, I was just too disturbed. Just disturbed thinking about some stuff that shouldn't be given a chance to think about.

It's 8.20am, and above are the only words I managed to put up.

Question of the day: Is sexual intercourse important in a committed relationship?

No matter what type of relationships you are in now, I am sure we have our own opinions to flag up about the said question. Intelligently, or "crappically"; it's your right, and you are entitled to that. People have different interpretations to that.

If people aren't looking for something in their relationship, they may merely say that sexual intercourse is just a phase, something both can enjoy and it won't affect your relationship. I say it depends to people's principle. When it comes to a relationship, it MIGHT be one of the most important things that helps the relationship grow stronger. You may get confused with the question again, so specifically; is it important for you IN LIFE, or is it important in your relationship? Totally different thing. There are too many ifs, my friend.

Research by research had been done to look for the answer of how important sexual intercourse is in either way, which they eventually give all the different ideas you need when doing meta-analysis on the idea. When I tried doing the meta-analysis myself on sexual intercourse, I have met plenty of research that only raised one question to another, and of course as I try looking deeper for answers, there are just plenty more questions arose.

I am still trying. I am still trying to tell the truth that I love my partner so much and I don't want anyone else to mess with our relationship, by hook or by crook. And I believe that active sexual intercourse with somebody who's outside your relationship circle is no more than a just tool to please one's lust and the urge to have fun independently without limit. It is not something that's more important than sharing your personal things with your partner, ALONE. Not with someone close, nor anyone.

It's 12.20pm and above are the only things that I managed to put up.

H.o.p.e

It's early in the morning. I woke up, after an argument with my loved one which turned out to be quite fine.

Alhamdulillah.

I was looking outside, looking at the building behind my house. It was so beautiful. And then something came up to mind. I am amazed of what has happened so far in my life, and to all the people around me.

People have been telling me how miserable their lives are, but for me it's a bless. It's only a bless from God who wanted to show His love towards them. I'm trying my best to not be a preacher, just a friend blurting out some true stuff.

The birds are chirping, and they are flying above the building. You would sometime see birds flying in a group and thinking that how good it would be if you could do the same, to fly.

My friend, being able to fly is not the best thing you could get in life.

Be thankful for what you have. We might not have what others have, but don't we all feel the same way all the time? It never stops. You will never get tired of the feeling of wanting.

At the end of the day, the bird will eventually get shot by some hunter or may be even falls down out of exhaustion or old age.
Nothing lasts forever. Appreciate the people around you.

Appreciate your Mom for giving birth to you.
Appreciate your Dad for giving you hope to live longer.

Appreciate your relatives, friends, recognized friends, the mamak stall chef at the back of your house, the aunty who cleans your house. Anyone, everyone.

For they have given you a way to breathe. They might not be someone who is perfect, or even somebody to be known. They're just nobody. But what if God has sent them to prevent you from doing something, prevent you from falling in to any predicaments. I would totally call a white flag to that. We might never know, we might never know.

I've heard a quote from Charles Allen;

When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God

Everyone is hopeful. It's just a matter of do we believe in them or not. Put some effort to understand the other side, be tolerable. God has given us mind to think, and heart to feel. It's all a bless, which sometimes we left out to be grateful about.

P/S:

Hope grows love, and love guides you in life.

Puisi Melayu Tidak Sempurna.

Aku di sini termangu,

Mengingat kasih tidak difikir,

Mengingat kasih dia kepadaku,

Yang mulanya tiada akhir.

Semalam aku terlena,

Diulit mimpi indah yang lalu,

Yang kasihnya sudah sirna,

Yang lama sudah kabur.

Aku tercinta lagi,

Kepada dia yang indah paras,

Yang putih jiwa, yang tulus hati,

Itulah kamu.

Mungkin aku tidak tahu,

Pelangi dilangit adalah dia,

Mungkin aku tidak tahu,

Bulan dicakerawala adalah dia.

Tapi aku tahu,

Takdirku milik kamu,

Dan aku juga tahu,

Aku milik kamu...

Terima kasih, sayang.

P/S: Saya tidak pandai tulis puisi[whatever you call it] dalam bahasa Melayu. Minta maaf kalau tidak sempurna format dan bahasa. : )

Argument

"I told you, right? Why should I repeat the same thing over and over and over again???"

I smiled, that's how I love this person.

Every arguments, every madness, every words said are true.

I sometimes don't understand a word, it's called selective attention. Not that I don't want to listen, I was just getting more and more into you.

Drenched deeply into your words, just too excited looking into your eyes.

I'm sorry, not that I'm not listening.

Just that, I Love You so much.

Argument means a lot to us. Means a lot to any couple, to those who are in love, your family, as well as to all the people around you.

This is just a my half-note of what you call an argument.

Long distance, short distance don't matter. What matters is handling your commitment.

The moment you argue, it means you progress. The moment you have something to fight about, that means the wall in your relationship is about to fall in no time.

Argument owns different definitions if you look at it from different perspectives.

But in my eyes, in the eyes of understanding, it is that when you are disagreeing with another person, you teach yourself to be somebody who understands.

Arguments will never fade in a relationship, as it is an element which assures you a force of a hammer that keeps your relationship stays to the best.

Let's talk about it through a long distance relationship perspective.

Arguments are like foods you eat everyday. Why? Because your partner's a "noob".

Nah, kidding bah... Arguments in a long distance relationship are just a bittersweet memory.

Don't worry!

It'll heal in no time. Talk about it! Don't hang up the phone, don't end the call on Skype!

Stand with it! Believe me, that's how you are supposed to do it.

The more you argue, the more assurance of the relationship you will get.

You have to realize. Once you commit to this guy or this girl you really like, that is the time you commit to the situation you will face afterward.

Don't blame the distance, you should be thankful because God has created the gap for you and your partner to learn how to be more tolerable.

It's the sign God has given for us to acquire the skills we need to have to face our future together with our loved one.

Remember, talk about it! Talk even it hurts.

If you are wrong, apologize and don't hurt your loved one anymore.

It's not easy, I know. It takes time to change and adapt with everything, make them understand that you need time. You are not a robot, remember that. But don't blame them as well, be relevant to the term reciprocity. You're going to face really hard moments for a period of time.

But believe me, that's what make you and the bond stronger.

For those who are in love and meet constantly. I don't know why you should argue about not having much time to meet up. Either you're a moron, or one mere obsessive freak! Think about those who are in a higher risk of breaking up like those who are in a long distance relationship. I am not saying you can't argue about things, but be more reasonable. In a family, for instance, be reasonable.

Everything is correlated, whether long distance or short distance. It's all the same.

Be a matured thinker. Think about other people's feelings. Don't be selfish.

In a relationship, there are ups and downs. You can choose to argue about how hard it is to accept the reality, or just argue about how the other person feelings. Either way, be considerate. Ask yourself why do you still want this person, despite knowing the challenges waiting in front of the both of you. It is better to argue about the things that could help resolving the puzzle and eventually make you guys up in the future, instead of arguing about the things that you have already predicted.

You may argue, but remember,

the term has a different meaning than both conversation and a discussion.

My Summer Break Acquaintance.

It was July.
When the world celebrated the season of ball kicking matches. I was bored and I wasn't feeling the class of the night. No one saw me clicking away the keyboard on that old computer of mine, hence browsing through the sites of nothing. There was nothing that makes sense on that particular night. Although the game was pretty much only an appetizer, I was bored still.
"Hey, it's been a long time"
I was smiling while clicking on the program that I must say, steered my life to being a computer-literate communicative guy. The Malaysian Internet Relay Chat (mIRC). Ice breaking is not me, so so not me. But I started, and I knew that that would be a start of a new thing. A start of something beautiful that I am about to find out. I kind of clicked with somebody that moment, a person who has pretty much a moderate show-off attitude, to the least I could say (sorry, you ^^, ) But things got a little bit drenched away as we conversed on Yahoo Messenger. Still, we clicked. That person and me are going back to our lovely Sabah for summer break, and a promise had been declared.
It was July.
When life has just started to get to the lowest that it could, the eager wasn't like how it used to be when I am coming back to Sabah. I was there, but it wasn't the same. I don't know why. Back there, I was occupied like always. I could just burst into tears enjoying my boredom, my family and friends were there though. The person has come back to Malaysia from Russia, that person is back. They went up to Ranau as an escapade, but no call. But guess what, I am one lucky guy. One pretty lucky guy. Once again, Yahoo has served the human population a favor. It re-connected us.
Exchanging numbers and all, we renewed a license of promise. A meeting.
It was August.
"Hey, I am here. I am in Kota Kinabalu, do you wanna meet up?"
Little that I realized, that SMS led to a long conversation that night discovering a new feeling I've been longing for so long. My friends were hell mad about that, but an apology and a bottle of beer were merely enough to help me calming them down.
My conversation with that particular human being didn't end there, though. It led to a historical second meet-up. The connection has been built, just to be established. Figuring it would be a stab in my heart, that very night witnessed my stupidity.
"Let's say you wake up in the morning, and you found out that I am not here lying beside you. What would you feel?", I asked.
And there the person was, dropping a tear.

"You want me to suffer? I have feelings for you. I love you, Indra. Yes, I love you", and I melted.It then became the start of my brand new romance. A start of a brand new life.
It was September.
I didn't realize it's about my time flying back to misery. The special one offered me a lift to the airport, and I was happy.Those moments, were treasured. I didn't know that I was actually drenched into a beautiful dream, yet challenging. Yes, I am afraid. I feel inferior to be exact. I said to myself, let the heart speaks for itself. Give it a time-off being single, hand it a partner who understands but is able to learn through hardness. My coffee was made and now I'm addicted to it. Tell the people of the world, I am the happiest señora in the whole universe. It is all like a beautiful memory, doux-rêve.
It was September.
Summer has passed. And everything is leaving, bit to pieces. Fragments by fragments. I was waiting here in Kuala Lumpur, planning ahead what could be my personal plan of the year. Credits go to Aryanti for helping me with that. After fetching the person from Kuala Lumpur Sentral and had a breakfast, we went home and I asked this one to loose up and rest. It was Aidilfitri already.
I took care of this beautiful monster with all my heart. By this time, we've forgotten the world, we went to a dreamland. Sinned, but too beautiful and wonderful to be forgotten. No, never be forgotten.
Those three days passed really fast. By a single blink of an eye, we came to the third and apparently the last day before that person flies back to The Land of Tsars. Waking up seems to be pretty easy, but what's not was going through the day. Just by remembering it, it was damn hard. And the guy cries a love tear, sincere from his heart. Asking he doesn't want to let the person go. Not to anyone, but for this special one lying next to me.
It was September.
It's separation for real, and it ain't easy. I should say I am lucky I have the advantage to send the person to Kuala Lumpur International Airport and spent a little bit of the leftover minutes we have talking and telling stories till Emirates Airlines departs. Sammy, Ramzee, and Aryanti were all there. We were all there sitting and laughing our throat off.
I brought a box of "nothing" and handed it over to my loved one. And the other one handed me a bag of "everything". I'm sure I was pretty hesitant at that very minute, I am thanking Aryanti again. We had our last few puffs of ciggies, and then there goes the most detested announcement.
The last call.
I wasn't ready, and I feel like I wasn't in there. I feel distressed, and I feel like fleeing away from that place, for the reason that this was not voluntary at all. We hugged, love expressed, and I swear I heard a cracked voice uttering the word hated by most "Goodbye". I did not managed to say anything as I know I sound pretty horrible if I do when I'm down. I opened my heart, as widely as I could. Aryanti finally walked me to the washing room, I was holding the plastic bag I was given.I threw my current Nike wallet into the plastic bag and put in my everything in the one I was handed. I was sitting and pondering inside one of the cubicles, not long after my phone rang. It was the same person, and I couldn't utter a single word. I tried, well but I can't because it's malicious. We went home eventually. "I Love You". For several days, I kept awakened by a gust of thoughts. And the first thing I would do, is to look on my right side. The side where the person I love used to lie down and sleep. The place where I used to kiss that person's forehead, eyes, and nose. The place we used to hug and have our forty winks.
It was September.
When I got a text message saying "I'm in Dubai", "I reached Moscow" or "I'm in Kursk dy~". I was so happy that although it was hard for me to accept the fact that this person is no longer here in Malaysia, I still can face the truth. I'll be here waiting for you, I'll be here waiting for you faithfully.
Now if I have wings, I would surely have the urge to go to that place and stay for as long as I could. But no, I'm just a regular guy with lots of lackness. Since the departure, we will be tuning to each other through Skype, Facebook, MSN, or sometimes we just text each other or the person will just give me a ring. Be sitting in front of the computer the whole night and yes, "Panda Eyes" is the result. I don't care, I don't mind. At least I'm happy to see the person that I love the most. At least, we give a chance for our relationship to get tighter. And at the very least, I am happy of how we are doing. I feel thankful to God for letting me experience the golden three days of my most wonderful moments in life. Those are the moments I will remember until my last breath on earth. I bow. Thanks be to God.
It was September.
I learned how to open up, and I learned how to cope with things. I learned everything from this special person in heart. I am thanking God for He has given me somebody who is special in every way. For we are apart, afar from each other, the only thing I would surely seek is trust, also in for loyalty and understanding. Our future would be led by us, would be shaped by how we are in our current situation, not yesterday nor tomorrow. It's the power of now. And being the guy who hopes to meet his love again in the future, who awaits his love back here in Malaysia, I would say these three months have been pretty rocky, yet beautiful in a way. Everything starts in July, and it all ends at nowhere but forever.
It was July, August, and September.

One Take Session with Aryanti ::Raya mode::

Well, we've finished fasting. It's Syawal.
Saya dan Aryanti ingin mengucapkan Salam Aidilfitri kepada ahli keluarga dimana sahaja berada.
Kami tidak dapat merayakan 1 Syawal bersama keluarga di Sabah, jadi kami buat video ini untuk menghilangkan rasa bosan dan sedih sebab kami beraya bersama, berdua sahaja tahun ini.
Walaupun keluarga masih bersedih atas musibah yang telah menimpa,
tapi Hari Raya ini hari kemenangan. Ada yang cakap lebih baik menangis atas sesuatu yang malang, daripada ketawa kosong pada hari raya, tapi tidak baik juga kalau terus saja meratapi.
Jadi lagu ini kami tujukan kepada kamu semua.
Kami sayang kamu.

One Take Session[OTS] with Aryanti Harny Hamli

Salam Aidilfitri. This time I won't be around...

Minal Aidil Wal Faidzin.

Hmm… Sabah *grins*.
Remembering what has happened in the past, cries my little gut.
Listening to the beautiful takbir surely bangs my whole body to the wall. Suddenly it hits me that this is going to be the first time I am celebrating the Eid miles and miles away from the land I call home, one real home. I knew that someday something like this would in some way, happen to me. But I didn’t expect that it is going to be this fast.

"I hope this will worth it."

I played songs to ease up my missing to the people I love back at home. Instead, it strikes me a little bit harder. Maybe it is right when they say; it is not easy to forget your past. Sharing-the-moments type of memory, how hurtful. It fondles me when in my mind; I bring back every bit of seconds I carved with my family, my lovely friends. I remember how the little kids will be running all over the kampung, to light up firecrackers and make a lot of noises. The elders will be a bit furious, but it wouldn’t last that long. Because they've been in their shoes, they've been kids themselves.
How beautiful it is to have been born in a village.

To those who have parted.

The Eid will not be a perfect celebration without family members going to the graveyard visiting people who have stopped by in their life for a small amount of time. This is to remember those who have parted, those who have done so much for the earlier generations. Some of them cried while pouring the water on the grave, they may have flashed back the times the deceased was still around. Maybe there are times they made mistakes, but they know deep in heart that it is in their soul that holds a white divine saintly kindness. Remembrance

I remember before I came back to Kuala Lumpur the other day, I was sitting on the porch of my late grandma’s shop. I saw an old lady, from afar walking up the road gradually, slowly. With all the plastic bags she was holding, how hard it is to be an old people. It was during fasting month. Then things popping up across my mind, where have all her children gone? Where have all the family members gone? Do they still live with this old lady? She passed me by, she looked at me and I threw a smile. She replied me a really sour beam of smile.

“That is sour", I said in heart, smiling, but heartbroken.
"She must’ve been hurt so many times"

It is a tradition to remember those who have gone, in this very moment. And let me add, it is another time to learn by heart the kindness people around you have been giving you, without us realizing. It’s a real moment of silent, in heart.

It is time to say sorry. It is time to thank our mothers, and it is time to thank our fathers. It is time to thank the rest of the family members. When I read the newspapers, I could see how much a family meant a lot for anyone. Seeing the elderly people being left by their sons, daughters, grandchildren hurt me so much that in my heart, I could only say God bless these people. Remember my friend; they won’t be here for a long time. Yes they may have hurt us, and yes they have given us bad experiences to put up with. But friends, they are not here for long.

If they are sick, just take care of them. That’s it, just take care. In their heart, the only thing that they wish for at that moment is for you to be with them and to see your face, craving to hold your hand. They will not be here for long.

Let it be like that, just hang on for a while. In no time, they will be blowing their last breath. Then, at that time you will be free. That time, you don’t have to do anything but remembering their hard love towards you. That time you don’t have to think about what they have done to you. Sometimes it is better to just let things go, it is better to let things rot itself inside heart. Heal it by purifying our heart and saint our mind and soul. God has helped us by giving us opportunities to repent for forgiveness. No matter how bad you are in your past, it is time we move out from it. Put back the little piece of things that have been lost to where it belongs.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.


P/S:
Di kesempatan ini, saya ingin mengucapkan Salam Aidilfitri kepada semua. Maafkan jika saya ada tersalah tulis, tersalah buat, tersalah tutur. Kalau ada yang tidak senang dengan keberadaan saya, saya minta maaf juga. Kalau ada kesempatan [insyAllah], jemputlah datang rumah di Kampung Lohan. Ranau. Walaupun saya tiada, cakap saja “Saya kawan si Indra, jadi saya mau serang rumah kamu.. Muahahahahahaha!!”. Dorang pasti terima alas an tu.

When a Guy Falls in Love.

Yesterday I woke feeling really empty inside, but it ended when you came to my mind; though you didn’t belong to me yet. Last night, when I was all alone, I didn’t feel the same way anymore; not because I’ve gotten over you, but because I realized that I’ve fallen for you. Today, I found out we shared the same feeling; and so, I finally learned what happiness really mean. I’m glad I was given a chance to be in your heart.
Sometimes, when we fall for somebody it’s not easy for us to tell them that we love ‘em. It takes time to actually feel the real love between each other, before you could reveal it to the other person. But in a certain circumstances, it takes a glance or even a single blink of an eye to let us know that we’ve fallen in love with somebody.
That is what happens when a guy falls in love.
You might wonder how it feels to be in an instant relationship, so I called. It’s frightening, to the max! I was scared, I admit it. I was terrified when my other half says “I Love You” while lying in my arms. It was unintended for, and you could tell that someone is really honest when they say “Do you want me to suffer waking up knowing you’re not here next to me?”. Hm, suffer. I’ve suffered enough. So, I took care of this one, till the sun rises. I kept my promise.
My mind says, I wouldn’t have the chance to be in a relationship anymore after I’ve broken up my first ever, last year. Since then, it’s hard for me to forgive myself. It’s hard for me to accept someone else in my life. That was cliché. But, I divulged in it. It’s my fault.
I let it slip away when I accepted this one.
I learned how to handle commitments, though not as just right as it is supposed to be. First few weeks would be very beautiful, I know. But it’s going to be rock hard when you realize that a relationship is not an easy thing to handle. I need someone to cheer me up when I’m down. But no one would be there for you 24/7. They have their own life I said, and then I smiled.
Far distance relationship.
What I can promise you is that, my heart is always going to be yours. And yours, will always be mine. We’ve talked about how we are going to sketch up a beautiful future. But that was far-fetched, and it’s not easy. I’ll pray for you though. I can’t resist your happiness, and I will do anything just to make you happy. I’m not stupid, I’m just in love.
I’m yours, and truly yours at this very moment.
Being apart for more than a year will certainly give me a real deal. There’s going to be a lot to talk about when you come back. And I will be missing you.
This guy must be so mellow you might say. Yes, I always am. I always am mellow, melodious, soft, whatever you want to call it. But I’m sincere in heart. A guy just needs to express something sometimes. I learned that from dad, he’s a real guy who expresses things through his writings. Thanks dad.
None of these things would have happened if Malaysia still uses the dial-up internet connection. Let’s blame Streamyx for making advancement. LOL! I wouldn’t have met you.
I wouldn’t have broken the ice. And I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.
I’m serious, and I wish you the best handling me.

And I Leave [damn lame version]

Standing near the stairs

Would you read the pain on the face?

Could you define the feelings for you?

Should he stop chasing?

He was leaning on.

Guess he’s waiting for the world to end

Guess it’s time to move on

Guess it’s the songster’s regret song.

He was going down.

Hoping is an odd chance

The guy’s not crazy

It’s the falling that keeps him sane

I am sure you’ve met harmony

The haze refreshes

The fog incapacitates

Still, it’s harmony.

If the melody stops

Look for him no more

Call his heart no more

Because by then;

he’s at peace.