the day

I sold my day by coming home early from campus. I went back just after attending Cheah's experiment. I was about to cancel my experiment for yesterday as I was seriously 'lethargic' to wake up from my sleep. I was lying down and reached my computer and went online. I went ipsy.help.edu.my to cancel my sign up but when I saw it was actually an experiment held by Cheah, Jeevi, Yi Ling, Jared and the others, well they are good friends of mine so I decided to just go "just for them". Spongebob and Aly were some of the participants in their experiment, and me too. JARED IS CRAZY! hahaha! There I said it, just imagine I walked down the corridor to the experiment room and he was like "What are you doing here? Go home lar, we don't want you here", and I was like "Eih, it's good dy you know signing up for your experiment cuz seems like you guys haven't gotten much participants! Hahahaa!". But, yeah! He's always been like that since our first semester, he always feels horny. After done with my 30-minute experiment, I went back home, straight away. And slept with my computer turned on on the table beside me, and of course the music grasping through the atmosphere in my room.
Aunty went out to fetch up uncle from the airport. Yes, he's came back. Now, that certainly means 'supper' almost every night hahaha! Gemuk la sya ni mcm ni... So yeah, as expected, I sat in front of the TV and my computer and Linda was chatting with hell I know who. Suddenly, heard a voice coming from up the stair, "Ira, supper!" and I giggled as I knew that was coming.
Enough of that, now I want to talk about something that bothers me yesterday.

The Conflict
On Facebook, there was this user Yogi recommended me but I forgot what its name. It wasn't actually a common user, it's like a regularly-updated-news-summary user. I was reading the comments and it suddenly hits me that there was this particular commenter mentioned the name Malingsia, I was pretty hesitant to actually comment about that but then, I did eventually. I commented as it should be, appropriately with a smile emoticon at the end of the comment. But then, their respond was pretty unpleasant. I would like to copy and paste what they have responded but I've actually deleted it from my friend list. I wouldn't know that Malingsia actually has a meaning behind it, if I hadn't interrupted their conversation.
But first thing first, why do I give a shit about this? You see, after the batik, a particular song and tarian pendet conflict between Malaysia and Indonesia the other day, I realized that more and more taunting websites are arising. They have been talking about Malaysia so much that I actually happened to pay a visit to some of the sites. And let me tell you, that several of the comments are pretty shocking, appaling, dreadful and outrageous if I wanna put it in words.
So, back to topic. Putting the name Malingsia in the view, after getting myself involved into the conversation, they have actually given me the idea of how did they managed to stumble on such name for us. I knew since I was a kid, the word 'maling' denotes the act of stealing, so generally speaking, its Malingsia = Malaysia = Stealer. After pardoning these people, they suddenly replied like I predicted, callously. After explaining to them nicely (again with smiley at the end of the sentence), I decided to just delete the user from my friend list.
It's not that I feel a hatred inside of me, nor disgust. Just that, it's making me uncomfortable with the way they speak. I have no idea why Yogi actually recommended me this user in the first place. Not blaming Yogi, I am actually happy with what he has done. In fact, I am delighted cuz it seems like he's already treated me like I'm one of them Indonesian. I love my friends, and guess what, my best friends in college are from Indonesia. So there's no reason for me to hate or be appalled on these people.

P/S: consider this as a non-sensitive issue to talk about. peace no war! : )

I cried in my pray...

Yesterday, after getting home at around 2.00pm from campus, I gave myself time to lie down and have some pretty easy time. I was quite tired as I slept at around 4.00am something and awakened by the alarm I set. I need to follow my aunty to the LRT Taman Jaya, as now I find it actually easier for me to get to college earlier and less hassle in the early morning if I go together with them(New alternative arises! Yeay!).
It was about 2 to 3 hours after I started snoring that I was awakened by the buzzing sound of my YM, shoot it! Then starting from that moment on, I went online. I was on google, looking for some info about Psychology when I actually happened to come across with an official website from a particular hospital. I was looking at the paragraphs under 'Geriatric', and managed to find the sub-title of Racauan (Gibberish). I don't want to talk about this but I seriously couldn't get over it. I looked down and read what it said. Gibbering was the last symptom I saw my late grandma was having during her life, before she took her last breath in her lovely sleep... ='(... I kept on reading, and found out that gibbering could not be taken for granted as it could bring to death. I really don't want to say this but, "How the hell could someone like a nurse doesn't know what an elder's gibber means?". This was yesterday, but it still haunts me 'till now.
Today, I went to campus pretty late because I don't feel like going in to class actually, too sleepy dark circles around my eyes. Gosh, that's embarassing! Another spectacled eyes coming to college today.
After finishing class and his group meeting, Lingga and I went to Chillax to.... Chillaxing! T'was actually a pretty good place to have a rest, relax and yeah, chilling. Chatted with Brendan which I don't know, suddenly feels like 'kacau'ing him. 'WC'ing, and then he shared pictures of him now that he's started dragging in KK. :-) pretty cool, eh?
An hour after that, I went to Level 8 Wisma HELP. To the experiment that I signed up for, apparently it was actually my deary Melanie's experiment. Lingga waited for me at Level 9, he was onlining, and I went and met him after finishing my experiment. On our way out, we happened to bump on to Yogi, Kal, and Jordan. They chatted and apparently I was left out, LOL! Nevermind...
Afterward, I and Lingga were heading to the bus stop to wait for a cab, but then suddenly Lingga shoot out a plan. "Why don't we go for a movie first then go to class?". I was like, hey! It's your class ya know, not mine. I felt like it also, but then I'm a bit concerned about him. But then, he's lost to his desires. We went to MidValley for a movie and the movie was titled "Inglourious Basterds" (And yes, that's the spelling!), movie was kind of unexplainable. You've got to watch it first, then you'll understand what I meant.
Movie finished, went home and then prepare myself to go sleep, and take some rest.Then, I felt like calling my Grandpa. My aunty told me yesterday that he's ill, so today I decided to call him. The buffer seems pretty long, I think he's having a problem getting the phone and picking it up. He sounds weak, and that hurt me =(... I'm hoping that he would be okay soon. Farid brought him to the hospital, and get some meds. Hope he'll be well tomorrow. And here I am, writing another post for today. Going upstairs afterward to throw the rubbish, and perform my Isya' (Okay, I know I'm a lazy bump...I'm going now!).
Night Lovelies...

P/S:
Apparently the movie took almost 3hours to finish,
t'was too late to go to class, so we went home.
I am tired,
Nadia called me,
Aweyn tried calling me,
Sleep early tonight...

What happened lately?

I was crawling up on the sofa while 'facebook'ing, when I suddenly felt the urge of updating my aged-rotten-ugly-smelly-perasanhebat blog. Fewwhh~~ What a name... Huh! Excuuuuuuuuuuse the man! At least I have one okay~~ Anyways, been a long time since the last time I've posted something on. And there are loads of things have happened during that waiting period. I am pretty sure I've left quite a lot partially finished post which I have saved in some of the folders in my computer. I felt really bad not updating my blog as I was asked again and again by my friends to do it, but I still don't really get the reason why they wanted to read my blog.

Meeting new friends, long-lost friends, breaking up with friends. Urgh! What the heck! Time really changes everything, in a single freakin' flash! Done loads of activities, decided loads of decision. Wah! Jila lerrrrrr... I was 'facebook'ing the other day when I suddenly happened to hark back to my memories during the Raya the other day. Then, I called Fikri. Apparently, he is now in a progress of getting licenses (I just missed that guy so much!). Yes, licensES! He is taking motorbike's and a car's. Daummm... That must be freakin' expensive. I asked Yogi the other day how long does he took just to take his license, and he said it takes only a week or so back in Indonesia. See how much differs the Malaysian system compared to them Indonesian? Hish! Menyusahkan!
Talking about Malaysian system(which I don't think I should've), I might've gotten another POW when we talk about getting a Malaysian passport. Not the period, but the expenses. Oh Em Gee... No way man, you can get your FIRST passport for a price of up to RM600 . Yes, I'm getting a passport now that I still don't have one. And I was pretty astounded with that thing. Of course la shocked, I'm getting a passport with my own money. I don't really dare to ask for a money from my parents as they will certainly say that I'm going to cost them a lot after getting one. Oh Em Gee~~~ Dad, Mom... It's just Indonesia, Phillipines, Thailand, Singapore. It's not that I'm going to Europe or something.
Okay, enough of that. Sheesh! This is another thing that banged me up. Yesterday, Yogi and the others went to that Moto GP thingy in Sepang. I do want to go actually, but then I realized that I couldn't go because I'm a lazy bump! Hahaha.. No la, I'm saving my money worh~~ I don't really tell them about this because they'll say "Ndra, you don't lie lie arh... You go for a movie and shopping with us got money, but go Moto GP no money!". Hahaha, but yeah! not really my thang. They even called me several hours before they left for Sepang saying that Tetha (another Indonesian girl) couldn't make it, and the ticket's mine. It was around 7 or 8. And FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I went to sleep at 6 something. I was watching Slumdog Millionaire (which happens to be an amazing movie!) until 6, and can only get myself to rest at around 6 something something in the morning. So, sorry guys!
Did I bragged too much already? (Clicking the 'Preview' button). OK Lah, since I need to go for a class tomorrow, I wanna go sleep early lah... it's 2.00am now and I'm still awake. Anyways, you guys know, I am having some kind of trouble sleeping early la lately. I don't know why. I can only go to sleep at around 5 or 6 and what's worst, I'll be up around 8 or 9 and that's making my head upset. Shoot, did I need a therapy for this. And after getting up, I will usually stay lying down in my bed with things like ~~ASSignments, classes, experiments, cuti, ~~ linger in my head, with eyes closed of course, and saliva flowing out, and geez hell know what else coming out. Eww...
Eih, did I mentioned I'm going out already? Yeah, now I really am going. Eih, and you know what, I wanna get a car. I told mum about this before I flew back to KL and she said ok I'm gonna get one only if she says, I pursue my study here in HELP. (Why? It's a long story, you don't wanna know~) Eih, ok lah I'm going out... Be posting again tomorrow (fingers crossed~~)
Night Lovelies....

Stress = Tooth problem + Headache

Few days ago, I got a very bad headache. A day before that, it was pretty light but then it gets heavier the the day after. The last time I had this sort of headache, was when I had migraine during my PMR examination in 2003. Couldn't stand the pain, I went to a clinic and the doctor said it was not a migraine nor sinus. There might be an infection in my tooth. So, before giving me the painkiller, antibiotic and a bactidol gargle fluid which tastes so bitter and costs me RM35 for the whole meds, she recommended me to meet a dentist.

The next day, after attending PSY105 class. I went back to Jalan Gasing and took a cab to NewTown Pj. There were loads of dental clinic there, but I was looking for one clinic that they said is very good, and a gentle soft-spoken dentist, that's an extra point for me. So after tired of walking and sweating all over my body, I finally found this clinic named WhiteZone Dental Clinic. T'was located like at the end of the world, plus I'm fasting (FYI). My first impression for this clinic was perfect, just by looking at the environment. So neat, that I feel like sleeping, and with the music grasped by my ears, no hurting noises and peaceful. Not long after that, I was called, the nurses were very nice as well as the doctor. After checking and taking a picture of my tooth, she said there was no infection at all. My tooth were all good, just some muscle problem. She said I was stressed!

I was like, "I'm what?? Stressed out? How does that linked to my tooth problem?".

She told me that, When I'm stressed out, I'll be clenching my tooth hard and that causes some sore to the muscle around my jaw. The muscle is linked to some nerves around my face and the disruption causes pain around my face. Fewwhh, now I get it.
After done with the doctor and paid the bill, I took the prescription from the doctor and took it up to some pharmacy in OldTown PJ, the meds name was Norgesic (Muscle Relaxant). Then, I went back and sleep.

Ramadhan... Memories never fade.

"Indra, Indra bangun! Sahur.."

That was what I heard just now. It was my dad's voice. Can't believe it's Ramadhan again, this is what I was really looking forward to. Fasting month will always be my favorite month of all. I remember my most valued previous years in this month. I was so happy being with my friends.We go to 'surau' every night. We were capturing the best moments together. Not mentioning the Raya. But, Ramadhan left me loads of memories, best ones.
Now, everything has changed. People went on, and some passed on. Sometimes, remembering the best memories, makes me hurt inside. It’s because it brings up the memories I had with those people who has passed on, those people I love the most.
Last few weeks, I lost my grandmother. Which I could not believe, I was talking with her the night before she passed away. I still feel like crying when I start thinking about it. Hajah Rugayah binti Hasek was her name. Now Atuk feels lonely, he comes to our house almost everyday, maybe to kill his long for his deceased very much loved wife.
Then, a day after the Seven-Day mourning of my grandmother, an uncle passed away as well. And again, I was sitting reading Yassin beside him. Maybe God wants me to see it happen with my own eyes to show that He loves me and God wants me to know that He really cares for me. But I am still 100% certain that God loves them more. But, I'd rather see them like that, than seeing them suffer with their sickness.
It hurts ya know, celebrating some celebration without your loved ones. I used to imagine something like this, but I never thought that I could really step in to my own imagination to actually feel the pain I should have not supposed to feel.
Ramadhan month means a lot to me, because this month had carved and captured million memories of me with my family and friends, all sweet ones. Every puasa, we'll always be together. Everyone gathers up at Atuk's house and laugh at each other and the stories everyone is telling. I still remember everytime this month arrive, there we are, cousins and siblings stealing tins of Milo from my lovely nenek's shop and eat it at the back of her shop. Then, when we come back home the elders will always ask us whether we are still fasting or not. With brown stains of Milo left stucked on our tooth, together we say 'Yes'. Never to be forgotten!
And at night, the first generation of the Dahlan's grandchildren will gather up and discuss what activity will we be playing. Since we were a kid, we are all seriously into stories and cartoon like Detective Conan, and those Chinese-investigation series on TV2 every weekdays at 7.00pm. And so, with the influence of detective acts, every single one of us will try to find a torchlight. When everything is set, we'll line up and go to this hall next to my atuk's house. Pretending like there are some criminals inside the locked hall, we'll walk at a snail's pace. Slowly and 'sshh..'ing each other if anyone makes any rapid movement or even any sound at all. Hahaha.. Remembering everything moves me. I couldn't recall any appalling memories in this month. Those were the good ol' days. Never to be forgotten.
But now, everyone has grown up. Some of them don't even go back to our little beautiful kampung like they used to. Sometimes, they do but it seems like a day is more than enough for them to spend some precious minutes with the ones they used to consider as part of their lives. Everyone has grown up, maybe only some of us are picking up what's left of the memories that we're about to catch, a dream that's not present. And everyone has grown up. Now, cellphones are used instead of torchlights to self-entertain. Now, nightclubs are visited instead of the hall next to Atuk's house. And now, the first grandchildren of Dahlan's Family don't sleep with each other anymore. No more stealing Milo at Nenek's shop and no more smiling face waiting for us to reach there. No more gentle touch at our back. No more soothing voice articulated, no more "Ondu, naka'akan koh noh? Ongoi akan hilo'd walai om muli nogi"(*Honey,have you eaten? Go get something to eat at home before you go back). Now everything has changed. Totally changed, and I never consider it as a good thing. Never.

With a chance of fixing everything, to put back the last pieces of the puzzle. This Ramadhan Month opens our opportunity and heart to give what we used to give, and to say what we should have said before. Imparting love to each other, but everything comes back to the root, back to the most basic. You love, then you do. You don't, then doors open, no rules attached. Now, say 'love' to those you love the most, say 'I care' to those you really care, 'hug' the people you wanna hug. And 'spend time' with those you want to spend your time with. All before it's too late. May Allah bless everyone in this holy month. Happy Ramadhan Al-Mubarak.

Assalamualaikum W.B.T..........


Salam Ramadhan,
Indra.

In tribute to the ones we love who have passed on.

May Allah blessed the soul, and grant a place among those who have been blessed.

Sorry everyone.

July 14 2009. The day I killed on of the noblest creatures. Today would be a day that I remember for a long long time. Almost 21 years living myself on earth, I wouldn’t even dare to kill a bug. I admit that did kill a bug, but that was not on purpose. I could sit for some time thinking that I killed a teeny-weeny organism

Around 3.15pm, I was awakened by the sound of my mom shrieking. She was screaming, calling my name asking me to kill him. I was surprised when she asks me to do it. I wonder what she has against him. Until now, I’m still in vague! I frantically got up and grabbed a knife. He was in front of me, and my brother was holding him hardly so that he couldn’t put an attempt to run. I took some time before I eventually put the knife on him and cut him in the neck. There was no sound, just a small squeal which followed by him collapse and die.

I was so frightened of what has happened, and I ran away. I prayed that God will forgive me. I swear I prayed in that very moment, and it goes like “God, I really don’t want to do this. But what can I do, should I obey to my mom and ignore you? Or disobey her and follow the Law of Mother Nature”.

For a while, I was shivering thinking what I’ve done, and what will happen soon. Suddenly I saw Grandpa, I shivered and I almost scream out to him as he actually cam there just minutes after the incident happens, and I knew he could stop everything!

I hugged my legs like a kid always does, I was afraid. Should I check myself in to the police station? Should I let myself be cuffed by them? What will they ask me? What will they do to me? Will I be prosecuted? I guess the nightmare of being bullied by those people in the prison will come to life, finally. Mom says “Calm down son, just give it a rest already”. But I just can’t!

I remember the program I watched on TV where people who murdered another being, will be hanged to death. In that case, I will prepare myself to leave my family, friends, but what I will most is my computer and two cell phones. I am so stressed out right now remembering the blood that came out from his neck.

Now, I am waiting for the real deal to come. To wait for my dad to come home and sit altogether with my family and surrounding the table, waiting for him to discuss the next step I should do. My brother left the house like nothing had happened, mom is cooking and Grandpa went home. I lie down on the sofa watching TV, at least that can ease myself down. I don’t want to think about where they put the body. However, I can’t get everything out of my mind now, I really can’t! How should I do that to a being lives in the same world as me. We walk with them, I saw them every single day and they live just in my backyard.

For years, I did not know that I would have the guts to actually do something like this; it goes against the Law of Mother Nature. And like before, I just couldn’t get the picture off of my mind.

Then again, when I gave it a second thought, everyone doesn’t give a sh*t if they do the same thing. I think I should do too. Starting from now on, I will try to live a brand new life. I will face everything that I am supposed to, for what I’ve done. I will face everything that I should. I hope this is not my last time to post something here. I will try my best to keep on letting everyone tracks on my activity in my prison life.

P/S: I want to apologize to his family

Sincerely,

Indra

(The guy who killed the chicken)

JPJ and a weirdo

1st July, 2009. For the first time ever, I got summoned! hahaha! And the coolest thing was, I haven't even got my driving license yet!!! HAHAHA! But that was it, RM100 for not displaying the friggin' parking ticket in front of the car? Those people are ridiculous. I parked the car in front of the BSN Bank at OldTown just now, and while waiting for Ana to buy the heck I know, I went to the ATM Machine because I was planning to go RedBox with Lingga and the others today(I apparently didn't).
Khairi leaves for Australia today and it's 5 days to go before I go back to Sabah. I can't wait to see the view of Sabah up from the plane, Aunty Ati was about to buy me a ticket on Wednesday but I told her that dad already bought me one.

Geez, I got a story to tell. Ok first thing first, I told you guys that there's a mamak stall at the back of my house, right?. So, today after sending Ana off to school I was so hungry. So, I decided to go buy something to fill my empty stomach. Upon reaching the place, I straight away asked for a "Nasi Bungkus". After filling the rice with some lauk, I turned around and saw this Indian guy was looking at me in a really 'odd' way.
Seeing me turning around looking at him, he straight away asked me whether I need anything else and I said 'Yea', I said "Roti Kosong satu!". Then talking in a combination of God knows what, he approached his colleague and told him to make one for me(I guess). So, I advanced the distance between me and them at the counter to see how the guy makes my roti canai. I was facing the one that's making the roti canai and the 'weird' guy was facing me.
I don't mind being looked at, but please! His hand starts touching me. I was pretty surprised that he dares to touch me in front of all the customers! He at first put his hand on my abs, then started traveling to my belly. I took his hand off of me, but then when I did. He held my fingers in a 'DIFFERENT' way like he doesn't want to let go. It's like he's really keen on touching me! I just smiled but I was REALLY REALLY uncomfortable. I tried avoiding myself to be anywhere near him afterwards but there's nowhere else to go. So I went to the counter to pay my food then I stayed near the fridge so that I could put a little distance between us.
The cashier gave me the food and asked me to go to the Roti Canai counter to get my roti canai but I was pretty subdued because he's standing there beside the counter. The guy came back to me and took the plastic bag from me but I swear he gave me some kind of 'touch' to my hand before he took it. I thought I was paranoid but when my food is ready to be brought home, I tried taking the plastic bag myself on the counter.
But before I have the time to lay my hand on the plastic bag, he quickly grabbed it and wouldn't want to give it to me before I shake his hand. He shook my hand like he's pretty liberate to let go. Took like almost a minute to let the grasp go away and I tried letting go of it and eventually he did. I grabbed the plastic bag from him and walked out the door.
He was a weird man, even the first time they opened the restaurant, and the first time I saw the look in his eyes on me. I knew that something is 'wrong' but yea, people have different types of tang in their life. Not mentioning he gave me the 'main mata' thingy the other day. I was frightened by that. I seriously wouldn't want to give it much thought though. But, I just can't.
What I can say is, I am sorry if I am being so paranoid, unreasonable and so suspicious but if you're standing in my shoes now, you'll know that those moves he does, are questionable. Despite everything that happened, I'm sorry for those who are offended by the post.