Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Nothing Else Like Her Love.

Voila! And my meals are inside my esophagus. I was watching Moulin Rouge when they all crawled down from my jaws to inside of me. It was an excellent piece, I must say. Beautiful in a moment, though is sentimental. Again, it gets me.

You see, I don’t have enough time to brag about mom these few days because everyone is doing the same thing. I don’t want to talk about her because it’s Mother’s Day. I want to talk about her because she is a mother.

Along the way to my 21 almost 22 years existing, I’ve accepted more than enough from a woman I call a mother. Then again, it impresses me how I never get enough of it dearly. Maybe that is why you call it “The Mother’s Touch”. We all embrace aging, but nearly all of us deny that we miss the moment we had with her. Some of us work hard to earn that back, but maybe of our ego it goes back to how it was, walking away.

Getting older doesn’t mean we get to leave our memories together. Getting older doesn’t mean we get to grow up of how we are not raised to be. Getting older also doesn’t mean that we get to leave her alone; because it’s not fair, it never was and it never will be.

How do you feel seeing your mother walking down the aisle of people around the town knowing that she barely has RM10 inside her wallet? How do you feel seeing your mother walks around with her best friend to a farmers market when the only thing she can afford to buy is three pieces of chicken wings for her three children? How do you feel seeing your mother, bringing one plastic bag with only the chicken wings inside while helping her friend lifting up hers on her right hand?

Do you want to see your mom work to her last breath just to pay your expenses? Do you want to make wrong moves when she says it’s not the way you supposed to go? Do you want to see people look down on your mom just because you didn’t try your best in your life? Do you want to see how sad she will be when she knows that you live in filth?

Her love is deep. So deep that she could throw anything away just to give us everything. We walk on earth because of her, we run because of the breath she gave us. The time we had together, is the time we should precious the most. Nothing could ever win the love of a mother, because she knew everything that happens within us. She knows how bad we feel when we are being rebellious, but she knows if she speaks back, it will only scratch the pure bond between a mother and her child. And so she just sits back... and silent, like always.

We don't know how hard she pray every single night. Praying to Him, asking for happiness to be poured onto you. How she sometimes cry in her sleep remembering how high you raised your voice to her. How she weeps her own tears, without anyone's help. Praying to Him, saying let all the burdens of my children are put upon me, struggle till my last breath. It is an obvious communication, and she tells it by the wrinkles on her face that you see so ugly. Or her sweats you smell like a debris.

You don't know how touched she was when you shake her hands, kiss her on her cheeks. That is when she actually could ask for nothing else but that. When she sees you holding her hands, sits beside her and lean your head on her shoulder. That is the moment when she feels like she has been a successful mother, not educationally nor monetarily. But in the sense of loving. That is all she longs for.

She gave up everything she wanted just to raise us up perfectly, and she gave up everything just to make you happy. Her effort is not to be paid back; she only wants to be remembered. She wanted us to be raised up without a glitch, and when we own that, appreciation is the only thing she looks for. Not monetarily, not materialistically, but by remembering. Commemoration of an effort of a woman called a mother. Happy Mother’s Day.



"Saya sayang ibu, saya rindu ibu. Kalau saja tanganmu masih bisa kucium, kalau saja tubuhmu bisa kupeluk, kalau saja rambutmu bisa ku usap. Oh ibu, cinta aku kasih aku,tetap untukmu hingga ke mati. Oh Tuhan, sesungguhnya engkau telah kurniakan aku mukjizat yang sangat bermakna. Mukjizat yang sangat putih dihatinya, mukjizat yang sangat suci dijiwanya. Seandainya dia pergi sebelumku, engkau tempatkanlah ia dikalangan mereka yang engkau cintai. Aku menadah tangan, mengirim doa kudusku, semoga rohnya Kau cucuri segala rahmat. Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin"



Sesungguhnya tiada kasih tertanding, selain kasih ibuku.

Selamat Hari Ibu buat ibu-ibu sedunia, dan kepada mereka yang telah pergi, Al-Fatihah.





Monday, April 26, 2010

It will never be good, even turning it in to another sense.


I am extremely down when it comes to this issue. That cute little fingers, and those fragile bones inside of them, those little ones who in the future may have the possibilities of making you proud, thrown away, JUST LIKE THAT. Awfully hurtful!

See how cute this baby is :'(
this angel's face reminds me of my little cousin, Canon. :'(


Newscasts concerning babies being thrown away, killed, and tormented are spreading. Do we really want this to go on? Some may say NO, those who say "YES"[and why on earth is that, by the way?] I yearn for your explanations. Let's put ourselves inside their shoes, what can you see? You've just started seeing the sunlight, you've just started to see the people whom you think may give you a chance to walk on earth. All of a sudden, you were dragged out of the comfort and put inside a box, or perhaps a dark colored plastic even. Left there; lonely with stinging mosquitoes, alone with no one else to hold you. Left there; with nothing to eat, to be bitten by those wild beasts. Left there; still confused, asking themselves what mistake did they have done to you.

This issue offered me an idea for an assignment of my Public Speaking class the other day. My persuasive speech entitled "Child Poverty: Have we cared enough?" has helped me to earn 95 marks out of 100 for this last assignment. It was just okay, but believe me while presenting this, I was extremely into it. The script that I've written the whole night was kept inside my jeans' pocket; because I know how difficult and hurtful those little ones felt when not only their skin, flesh but the most important is (their heart), torn apart by poor humans' crave.
::i.ndra::
Could we put into visual, if only they could utter words that very moment. They probably will thank us for willing to bring them anywhere for the whole 9 months, they probably will show their gratitude for giving them a chance to see the world, they probably will promise that they will take care of you when they've grown up. And, they probably will someday, make you proud for having them in your life.

But who knows, maybe they will still thank you, for giving them a chance to see the little world of ours. The world which you see as heaven, and in our perspective, world full of immorality, sins, dirt. Maybe up there, they are looking at you... Smiling, but still
........................heartbroken. How white, how pure their heart is.

Please people, I beg you to not throw them to the nature. Give them to the people who are willing to treat them as a baby, as a human. Everyone makes mistakes, no matter how big the mistakes are, it still have nothing to do with that newborn angel. The great Gandhi once said;

"There is no place on earth and no race, which is not capable of producing the finest types of humanity, given suitable opportunities and education"
- quoted, Mahatma Gandhi.


we still can change, how? by giving yourself an opportunity to change
[save a baby]
- Indra Mozainie

Thursday, April 8, 2010

formspring.me

Ever wondered how do I think about something? Ask me anything at http://formspring.me/mohdindra

Friday, March 5, 2010

Story for a Friend [Left Out]






You meet somebody for the first time, and that is the time when you feel like the brick of your home starts completing. You realized that I was the one to be friend with. One time, you ask me to go sight-seeing with you and from there on I can see the flowers of friendship are blooming. Again, you realized I was the one to be friend with. I was the one.
You went out with me again the next week. You had so much fun, and told so many things about you and your family. I was so quiet but you realized, that I was listening attentively. My heart says, if only I could talk about something well-appointed about my family. You brought another friend to the circle, and you thought he would be the same as me. I was smiling, and you thought I was happy. Actually I do, I feel glad meeting a new friend.
The next day, we went out again. We spent loads of money on diversion :). I'm broke, but at least you are happy. Then one day, you called me saying... 'Oh friend, tomorrow we'll be going for a fun fair'. I looked in to my wallet, and there was only a few blue notes and receipts. I came, but only to accompany you eating, and entertain you with my plain jokes.
Day after day, the club is getting bigger. I am happy though, for them at least. Days go by, and the club is getting stronger but with me becoming more and more weak. See now I am the weakest link. The seat that used to be reserved for me becomes somebody else's. But don't worry about me, I'm fine. I understand, because I'm your friend. :-)
Go on and take A, B and C, I'll take the F. No worries :-) because I'm your friend.
Now the word "we" has become "us" with no me. But I understand, I know.
You say I am conceited, vain. Because I am giving you spaces to be with the people in your league, at least I'm not. I always sit somewhere that suits me, well that's how I thought it would be. I am assuming that that is the reason I'm conceited, and vain. By giving a chance to boost up the bond between you and them, without me. Maybe I am conceited, I am vain.I don't get invitation messages anymore, I don't get a text message saying "Come, we miss you" or even at least "Where are you, we're here waiting for you" like you send to the rest. But that's okay, the important thing is, you are happy.
I'd do anything to please you. But maybe my unevenness that portrays me as a stuck-up, and that holds me back. I put up with it, maybe because I lack of close companions. Those real ones that could let me talk freely, about my patchiness and weaknesses. Not in the prosperous way, but in a humble way.

I'd love to quote on one of Will Young's songs which sounds like this;

"I'm here just like I said,
though it's breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart, is just the same;
Why make it strong to break it once again."

- Will Young, Leave Right Now
The words seemed clear to me that, I would do anything for you if I could. Though it kills me inside, I can't let that be a hindrance to our friendship. Let me the one to be screamed at, let me be the one to get the blame, not you.
Maybe because I am different than you in terms of tribe line, in terms of understandings. It all goes back to me, even if I were to be blamed for it, I'll take it. For the sake of you, dear friend. You happy, I'm happy, remember? :-).


My friend,
I would really appreciate it if you could spare me at least one more little spot. To put back the little piece of puzzle to where it belongs, to see the hole that covered the smile. And please don't say the pieces don't fit anymore, for my sake.
I couldn't tell if I still make you seethe but, perhaps the only thing I could say is,
I am not proud.
I am proud in terms of my race, but I have nothing more to be proud of.
I am no one, just an underprivileged guy that used to be somebody in the circle.
The one you used to call... a friend.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Love of a Father [Cinta Ayah]



Last night I was sitting in front of my computer, and an image of a person came up to mind. I realized he is special, he is really, special. I am standing here now, because of him. I remember how he never fails to make people smile with his funny jokes. He said to me one time, "I would do anything for my children even if that means to die". I laughed, as I was naive and wasn't aware of the meaning behind it, and it was blurted out from a guy's mouth. Thought it was a joke.
One day, I was pissed because he made a mistake. I yelled at him, yes he deserved it!. He didn't eat for dinner, he stays in the living room doing his work. I can see the water he's trying to hide but who cares?
What did he do, you might wonder. He said he couldn't afford to buy me a phone!
Then the next day, he brought home a second hand phone. I hesitated, but I was proud as he only uses an old obnoxious phone or the one his boss lent him.
Back then, we were still stabilizing the condition. He's just a coolie for some people in the government, but the only thing I saw was money coming in.
Now he has health complications all over, but he is still working.
Working hard to earn some cents to keep his family stand on ground.

Going back to his hometown was like going for a math camp, we scrupled.
He asked us one day, "Hey, we'll go back to kampung this weekend. A lot of people are coming back". Again, we wavered.
He said "Okay, have fun with your friends, be careful", nicely though it sounds broken.
I get to see how sincere he is looking over me and my whole family.

This is a real story of mine, sometimes we don't remember how hard our father have struggled looking out for us until he's no longer with us. All my life, we've lived in hardness, and he taught us how to live in humbleness. I remember the time he always wakes up early in the morning and asks us to take wudhu', pray together and ask for forgiveness from Him.
I hope what he's taught me will never fade out till the end of time, till it's time for me to pass it on to my children.


P/S:

Tuhanku,
Sesungguhnya engkau benar telah kurniakan kami seorang insan yang bisa membimbing kami ke jalan yang benar. Jika engkau harus mengambil rohnya, ambillah secara aman. Tetapi berilah kesempatan kami untuk memeluk, mencium dan berdialog bersamanya untuk kali yang terakhir sebelum engkau menarik nafasnya.

Tuhanku,
Engkau maha pengampun, engkau maha penyayang.
Ampunilah dosa-dosa ibu bapaku, bersihkan jiwa mereka seperti baldu putih yang suci.
Bariskan mereka bersama mereka yang engkau sayangi.
Sesungguhnya tiada yang lain bisaku pinta selainmu.

Amin ya Rabbil Alamin....

Monday, December 7, 2009

When night falls...




Don't you think it is better for us to fall in love with night time?
Night has never fail to keep its promise to us.
When it says it wants to see you tomorrow, it WILL come.
When we say we hate night time, it will always come.
But with all its might, it tries its very hard to shed some light from its heart - the light of the moon, so that it could lessen the anger in us.
I am always fascinated by the beauty of the night. When I am in Ranau, and I am awake at a particular time before dawn, I will always sit at our veranda. Looking at the beauty and serenity of life.

It loves to tell stories. Tells many untold ones.
Because, night witnesses many kinds of things. Though people swear at night, it can never be able to speak back to them. Instead, it blows the calming wind of air to them. Thus turning them into someone better.
Stars laugh together with us, moon shone its light.
Isn't it just mesmerizing?


Once it says to me, saying "Hey, I see the way you stare at me. Just tell me everything, I'll be here for you until morning. I'll be the one to accompany you. Not to worry, your tears are just too valuable for anyone to see. I'll close my eyes, you just let it flow, I'm here to make you feel better. If you don't feel like it, not to worry, I'll come back tomorrow. And the day onwards. Forever." It lets out the water in me, it was a cold cold night.


Tonight's a disappointment, that's just an expression. The night's just so boring, that's just a feeling. I hate night time, that's just emotion speaking. Truth is, night has never fail to sooth us down, it's the only time where we'll have the chance to be with ourselves, our loved ones, to reflect back everything that we've done. It comes everyday to look after us devotedly 'til the sun rises. Night is coming and I should be fine, that's the manner we should've used.

People would say why would I talk about this matter?. No males should say such things, something so queer like this. This is so wrong!

Well, I'm just a guy. A sentimental guy I would say, Not A God.


Goodnight Lovelies. Goodnight my nighttime partner.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


Why did I put up a picture of roses? It's a symbol of my appreciation, my happiness of having people like you to light up my life. I combined all the colors, and i'll just leave you to figure out the meaning of each colors of the roses to yourself yeah. But, for all the things I've said in my previous posts, I would like to APOLOGIZE to those who have been hurt badly, or not. Seriously man, I don't have any friggin' idea that you guys would even click on my blog. Geez, this is really interesting. But like Yogi said, it's mine. So I guess I'll just speak my heart out. I know people sometimes think that I tell too much lies, but seriously I don't. That means, I just can't. I said I can't and that's that. I can't. Therefore, I'm sorry if I couldn't afford to give you guys what you wish for, and sorry if I ever hurt anyone's feeling.

I am bored.

Yesterday was slow, I slept at around 3.30 in the morning and like always, I'll get a morning alarm by a call from aunty at around 7am. Stretching time, ouh my Gah... For God's sake, I couldn't see any effect of the inches that are sweated out of my body since like weeks ago. No difference at all, we always wrap up the morning exercise by getting our butts on the chair in front of the park with a bowl of Bakso (or is it Soto?) ahead of us. So much for the so-called 'effort', huh?

Study week starts tomorrow. It's the first time we've ever gotten a study week. Since my first semester here last year, all we've got was just two to three days of resting.
I admit that I'm not a fast learner like my other peers, but I am happy to see that my pointer has gone up every single damn semester. I'm really happy that I could actually manage to get my ass to this level. Plus, my broken English. I've printed out all my notes and am trying my best to get my eyes and mind stuck to the papers. I will certainly call this week as a struggle week though. Despite my "itchy ass", will instead lay down in bed and read, I hope this time, the mattresses are going to be bad to me. So that I would not get sleepy easily.

Hey, music! The best healer, at least for me. After reminding her, and waited for like three days, Aliah finally went up and asked for my cousin's guitar. Been a long time since last time I plucked a guitar string. I did, the other day during my practice with Ray Low for the FrequenC Acoustic Performance in college, but it's not the same. I'm intending to hone up my plucking skills as now my fingertips are getting softer. I used to have such a hard fingertips (for those who do not know, our fingertips will get hard when we play guitar for a period of time).

How many days left for me to fly back to Sabah? It's Dec 7th today. Wow, time does fly really fast. 9 days to go, and I'm sure my brother couldn't wait to see his new bag that I bought from Vince. But most of all, I couldn't wait to meet my parents, my mum and dad. I need to kiss their hands. My family. Not forgetting my friends. I couldn't wait to sit back at Ice Cool and have some 'mikirayew' (show-off) time. LOL...

Farid called me the other day at 12 or 1 in the morning, I have no idea what has got in to him to call me that late. But I wasn't sleeping yet, I was on the line, facebook-ing,I know, he's always like that. Since we've ended the unusual crisis we're having few years back, we're really close. Like brothers! Like, really! LOL... I can now call him bro, and well in the nearest time I hope, 'abang'. We just lost grip of what's happened before, but now we've grown up so we know which one is good and which is not. I'll stop talking about us, save that for another time. And let's just call it another post.

Clap! Clap! Curtain falls...........................