You meet somebody for the first time, and that is the time when you feel like the brick of your home starts completing. You realized that I was the one to be friend with. One time, you ask me to go sight-seeing with you and from there on I can see the flowers of friendship are blooming. Again, you realized I was the one to be friend with. I was the one.
You went out with me again the next week. You had so much fun, and told so many things about you and your family. I was so quiet but you realized, that I was listening attentively. My heart says, if only I could talk about something well-appointed about my family. You brought another friend to the circle, and you thought he would be the same as me. I was smiling, and you thought I was happy. Actually I do, I feel glad meeting a new friend.
The next day, we went out again. We spent loads of money on diversion :). I'm broke, but at least you are happy. Then one day, you called me saying... 'Oh friend, tomorrow we'll be going for a fun fair'. I looked in to my wallet, and there was only a few blue notes and receipts. I came, but only to accompany you eating, and entertain you with my plain jokes.
Day after day, the club is getting bigger. I am happy though, for them at least. Days go by, and the club is getting stronger but with me becoming more and more weak. See now I am the weakest link. The seat that used to be reserved for me becomes somebody else's. But don't worry about me, I'm fine. I understand, because I'm your friend. :-)
Go on and take A, B and C, I'll take the F. No worries :-) because I'm your friend.
Now the word "we" has become "us" with no me. But I understand, I know.
You say I am conceited, vain. Because I am giving you spaces to be with the people in your league, at least I'm not. I always sit somewhere that suits me, well that's how I thought it would be. I am assuming that that is the reason I'm conceited, and vain. By giving a chance to boost up the bond between you and them, without me. Maybe I am conceited, I am vain.I don't get invitation messages anymore, I don't get a text message saying "Come, we miss you" or even at least "Where are you, we're here waiting for you" like you send to the rest. But that's okay, the important thing is, you are happy.
I'd do anything to please you. But maybe my unevenness that portrays me as a stuck-up, and that holds me back. I put up with it, maybe because I lack of close companions. Those real ones that could let me talk freely, about my patchiness and weaknesses. Not in the prosperous way, but in a humble way.
I'd love to quote on one of Will Young's songs which sounds like this;
"I'm here just like I said,
though it's breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart, is just the same;
Why make it strong to break it once again."
- Will Young, Leave Right Now
The words seemed clear to me that, I would do anything for you if I could. Though it kills me inside, I can't let that be a hindrance to our friendship. Let me the one to be screamed at, let me be the one to get the blame, not you.
Maybe because I am different than you in terms of tribe line, in terms of understandings. It all goes back to me, even if I were to be blamed for it, I'll take it. For the sake of you, dear friend. You happy, I'm happy, remember? :-).
My friend,
I would really appreciate it if you could spare me at least one more little spot. To put back the little piece of puzzle to where it belongs, to see the hole that covered the smile. And please don't say the pieces don't fit anymore, for my sake.
I couldn't tell if I still make you seethe but, perhaps the only thing I could say is,
I am not proud.
I am proud in terms of my race, but I have nothing more to be proud of.
I am no one, just an underprivileged guy that used to be somebody in the circle.
The one you used to call... a friend.
