Ramadhan... Memories never fade.

"Indra, Indra bangun! Sahur.."

That was what I heard just now. It was my dad's voice. Can't believe it's Ramadhan again, this is what I was really looking forward to. Fasting month will always be my favorite month of all. I remember my most valued previous years in this month. I was so happy being with my friends.We go to 'surau' every night. We were capturing the best moments together. Not mentioning the Raya. But, Ramadhan left me loads of memories, best ones.
Now, everything has changed. People went on, and some passed on. Sometimes, remembering the best memories, makes me hurt inside. It’s because it brings up the memories I had with those people who has passed on, those people I love the most.
Last few weeks, I lost my grandmother. Which I could not believe, I was talking with her the night before she passed away. I still feel like crying when I start thinking about it. Hajah Rugayah binti Hasek was her name. Now Atuk feels lonely, he comes to our house almost everyday, maybe to kill his long for his deceased very much loved wife.
Then, a day after the Seven-Day mourning of my grandmother, an uncle passed away as well. And again, I was sitting reading Yassin beside him. Maybe God wants me to see it happen with my own eyes to show that He loves me and God wants me to know that He really cares for me. But I am still 100% certain that God loves them more. But, I'd rather see them like that, than seeing them suffer with their sickness.
It hurts ya know, celebrating some celebration without your loved ones. I used to imagine something like this, but I never thought that I could really step in to my own imagination to actually feel the pain I should have not supposed to feel.
Ramadhan month means a lot to me, because this month had carved and captured million memories of me with my family and friends, all sweet ones. Every puasa, we'll always be together. Everyone gathers up at Atuk's house and laugh at each other and the stories everyone is telling. I still remember everytime this month arrive, there we are, cousins and siblings stealing tins of Milo from my lovely nenek's shop and eat it at the back of her shop. Then, when we come back home the elders will always ask us whether we are still fasting or not. With brown stains of Milo left stucked on our tooth, together we say 'Yes'. Never to be forgotten!
And at night, the first generation of the Dahlan's grandchildren will gather up and discuss what activity will we be playing. Since we were a kid, we are all seriously into stories and cartoon like Detective Conan, and those Chinese-investigation series on TV2 every weekdays at 7.00pm. And so, with the influence of detective acts, every single one of us will try to find a torchlight. When everything is set, we'll line up and go to this hall next to my atuk's house. Pretending like there are some criminals inside the locked hall, we'll walk at a snail's pace. Slowly and 'sshh..'ing each other if anyone makes any rapid movement or even any sound at all. Hahaha.. Remembering everything moves me. I couldn't recall any appalling memories in this month. Those were the good ol' days. Never to be forgotten.
But now, everyone has grown up. Some of them don't even go back to our little beautiful kampung like they used to. Sometimes, they do but it seems like a day is more than enough for them to spend some precious minutes with the ones they used to consider as part of their lives. Everyone has grown up, maybe only some of us are picking up what's left of the memories that we're about to catch, a dream that's not present. And everyone has grown up. Now, cellphones are used instead of torchlights to self-entertain. Now, nightclubs are visited instead of the hall next to Atuk's house. And now, the first grandchildren of Dahlan's Family don't sleep with each other anymore. No more stealing Milo at Nenek's shop and no more smiling face waiting for us to reach there. No more gentle touch at our back. No more soothing voice articulated, no more "Ondu, naka'akan koh noh? Ongoi akan hilo'd walai om muli nogi"(*Honey,have you eaten? Go get something to eat at home before you go back). Now everything has changed. Totally changed, and I never consider it as a good thing. Never.

With a chance of fixing everything, to put back the last pieces of the puzzle. This Ramadhan Month opens our opportunity and heart to give what we used to give, and to say what we should have said before. Imparting love to each other, but everything comes back to the root, back to the most basic. You love, then you do. You don't, then doors open, no rules attached. Now, say 'love' to those you love the most, say 'I care' to those you really care, 'hug' the people you wanna hug. And 'spend time' with those you want to spend your time with. All before it's too late. May Allah bless everyone in this holy month. Happy Ramadhan Al-Mubarak.

Assalamualaikum W.B.T..........


Salam Ramadhan,
Indra.

In tribute to the ones we love who have passed on.

May Allah blessed the soul, and grant a place among those who have been blessed.